Monday, November 19, 2012
Life this year has been a total mess. Failed in every single aspect of my life.. Born failure maybe?
The year flew past just like that, without myself realizing it. I don't remembering time passing this quickly, but well it did. If only I spent my time more wisely than I did.. I wouldn't be retained. I mean, I expected it from the start of the year; the lack of motivation to get work done, the self-confidence to complete the JC course.. I lacked everything that's needed. I was on this path of retaining from the very start of the year. Together with those little problems happening concurrently and the lack of motivation to even study for promos.. The end point was clear, it was obvious where I was heading... Having mentally prepared to face the results and having to face the actual thing felt so different.. Broke down before the results were even being told. What came after weren't comforting too. Looking at people who don't usually study and born smart went through while I stood there looking at the word "retained" on the results slip. Life is fair, really. Whatever it if, I will really miss 115.. Not able to promote with the rest is the only reason to why I regretted my actions throughout the year.
This whole incident really got me thinking about life.. Finding myself in the midst of it all. I am actually thankful, at least I found myself in this mess..
Need to pick myself up from the fall and move on.. Next year is never gonna be easy..
2:20:00 AM <3
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Lectures started today. I am already feeling the heat and the stress of JC life when it just started. I mean, I was still having a careless attitude yesterday while preparing for today. I actually hope I can still live in self denial that Jc life will be okay, I will still be able to cope with work.... but my class woke me up. I need to stop dreaming.
There was a 3 hours break today between lectures. I am the assistant CT rep, so obviously I wanted the class to have a small discussion on the CVD stores. The class met up outside the lecture place for the intended discussion. We were waiting for the late comers and someone took out her lecture notes and started studying. I was really really shocked. I mean, proper lectures have yet to be started, what are there to be studying for? Soon after, the rest of the class followed. My first impression of YJC is that the school is a slacker school. My class obviously proved otherwise. Have been telling myself no to be affected by possibly slacker friends, but now I realise I am actually the slacker. Still remember the shit I said about fear getting into YJC due to the studying environment. Well, so far the school has proved itself to be really dedicated. Really hope I will have a bright future ahead of me. I MOST STUDY HARD!!!!!
8:57:00 PM <3
Saturday, November 19, 2011
I am feeling lost, very lost. I am at a period where I move from path to path, onto another phase of my life. I am having this very strong fear of having no way to go. Judging from the way my Os went, I lost my little last hope for my future, a decent path for the next few years of my life. Well, if i didnt work for it then i wont be whining. The problem is, i did. People always say that hardwork will show. It isnt, not a single bit.
Nothing has been going well in my life lately, nothing. Life is as meaningless as ever. I need help to guide me on, to give me some hope. For me to live on.
3:35:00 AM <3
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
I actually thot that I will feel better after saying everything out, but it feels the other way round. I actually felt a lot more worse. I realize letting it sink deep down into my heart and let it slowly get forgotten will be a better solution. It's like, thru that little conversation, all the forgotten emotions and feelings are slowly floating back up. I thot I am okay, I thot I will be fine after that cool down period. Seems like I am wrong once again.
Miss and love you always.
7:47:00 PM <3
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Feeling unwell.
This is the first time I sleep before the sun raises in the 2 weeks of the so called holiday. I know i have weird sleeping hours. Anyway, the point is that, I woke up after an hour to find myself perspirating in the air-con room. It's not that I was feeling warm, I actually felt cold. I seriously have no idea what happened. Felt a lot better after a warm cup of milk, still trying to fall back asleep. Tuition at 10am in the morning. Wish me luck.
Finally a post after so long. Haha ^^
6:24:00 AM <3
